The Quickie – James Patterson – 0/10 (DNF)

 “A kind of pleading in his almond-shaped brown eyes”

Oh wow is this book awful. Someone took a cliché dictionary out of the library, cobbled every entry together into something like a cop thriller, and put a famous name on the front cover.

The protagonist, Lauren, is a hypocritical adulterous whiner who has an affair… to teach her cheating husband a lesson. Um… ironic, much? So when this revenge turns out to be full of salmonella and gunshot rather than being served cold, it’s pretty tough to have any sympathy for her.

Oh, but never mind the conflict of interest in the upcoming prosecution case, she’s the best, she’s going to take it… “Bronx assistant DAs practically fought to take my cases because they could just about read my reports aloud for their prosecutions“. For someone who’s so bullish about her own abilities, she uses a whole lotta qualifiers in that sentence.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I promise never to open another novel bearing the James Patterson brand as long as I live. For my penance, I agree to rid my shelves of this rot.

(seriously, it’s too bad even for BookMooch. I’m going to leave them on the Tube.)

Additional info:
This was… I don’t even know. Part of a box purchase?
Publisher: Headline, 407 pages (paperback)
Don’t order The Quickie from Amazon, but if you do, this is an affiliate link – I will be paid a small percentage of your purchase price if you use this link, which goes towards giveaways.

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11 thoughts on “The Quickie – James Patterson – 0/10 (DNF)

  1. rl (@rhondareads) 15 October 2011 at 1:39 am Reply

    i tried a mystery of his years ago &never wasted my time with his books again.My husband had the same reaction.

  2. bermudaonion (Kathy) 15 October 2011 at 5:05 pm Reply

    I used to really enjoy Patterson’s work, but now that he’s a writing machine, it’s lost some of its appeal.

    • readingwithtea 15 October 2011 at 5:32 pm Reply

      So I threw out the 5 books of his I had (or rather, left them above my apartment block’s mailboxes with a note saying Free Books). I thought about keeping Along Came A Spider, which is supposed to be one of his really iconic works, but I opened to a random page and the writing was just as cliché-riddled as The Quickie had been.

  3. Maxine 15 October 2011 at 7:15 pm Reply

    Agreed, awful awful awful awful (decided years ago…..)

  4. Seth 16 October 2011 at 4:54 pm Reply

    I love the refreshing honesty of your affiliate boilerplate. And thanks for the heads up. Never been a Patterson fan anyway.

  5. Sarah 16 October 2011 at 10:30 pm Reply

    Sorry you had a bad experience, but at least you had a ball writing the review. Which was lots of fun to read 🙂

    • readingwithtea 19 October 2011 at 11:19 pm Reply

      Lots of fun to write too! I always get the most comments on negative reviews – I must have a special kind of grumpy comedy!

  6. The Book Whisperer 17 October 2011 at 7:06 pm Reply

    LOL to your review. I used to devour Patterson books back in my 20’s but the few I have read in recent years have been, for the most part, absolutely dire. I did read this one in a few hours on holiday about 3 years ago but I can’t remember a thing about it or even what I thought of it. I tend to read about one a year now and they’re mostly bad but funny-bad, but when they’re bad-bad they’re horrid!

  7. I find it exhausting to read works full of cliched impressions.
    I like Marcel Proust’s idea that artistic style is as much about a quality of seeing as anything else – a depth of feeling and reflection on the world. This quality (or otherwise) of the author’s vision, Proust argued, reflects itself in the text.
    I have not read any James Patterson. Based on your review, I won’t bother.

  8. The German 2 November 2011 at 10:00 pm Reply

    Agree entirely about Patterson – I read “Run For Your Life” on holiday last year. I did finish it, but only because I was on a long-haul flight and it was something to do.

    Love the review, especially “Don’t order The Quickie from Amazon, but if you do…”

  9. […] used to read everything up to that point (memorably even reading 100 pages of The Quickie in order to meet my criteria before I hurled the book across the room), but eventually I gave […]

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